


there's color in the stars. i wish you had seen it.

by gagreflex



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst, Colors, Indecisiveness, M/M, Stars, lingering feelings, past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25871806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gagreflex/pseuds/gagreflex
Summary: Colors weren’t ever meant for him. They belonged to someone who would care for them, and Doyoung always knew that person would be Taeyong.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	there's color in the stars. i wish you had seen it.

Sometimes when Doyoung looks at himself in the mirror he comes to believe that he can step though it and see how another version of himself lives, one that makes vastly different decisions. He hopes they’re happier than him.

// when you left, i think i might’ve cried. it was so long ago, i can’t recall.

Each day sticks close to the same schedule, but Doyoung doesn’t mind. He wakes up each morning right before the sun fully rises and flips through the newspaper, but there is hardly anything to report on, so it is more of a mindless thing he does to ease himself awake. Most mornings are calm. Afterwards, he takes the bullet train to work.

There’s not much color, the exterior and interior painted a creamy white. Doyoung always sits beside the window with a book propped open, although there aren’t many words on the pages. However, he ends up staring out the window more often than not, watching the white and gray buildings disappear and open up to barren land. It’s just how things are.

The train arrives at Doyoung’s destination at the same time every day, with only a few seconds in difference. The city is large, the buildings reaching into the clouds, although Doyoung doesn’t work up there yet. He doesn’t plan on it anyways.

There’s the same people he walks by on his way to work, the same people he greets while taking the elevator to the fifth floor. His desk is untouched by anyone but him, and he checks to see what he has to do today. It doesn’t change drastically. 

After work, if it is a Thursday, he’ll stay in the city longer to do some grocery shopping. If not, he heads home and begins dinner. Today, he heads straight for the train. 

It’s always late by the time Doyoung gets home, and after eating alone, he takes a shower and then lies in bed, flipping through some magazines that his coworkers tend to give him on Mondays or Tuesdays before falling asleep. 

Doyoung thinks he enjoys what he has.

On Thursday it is raining. Nobody likes the rain anymore, but Doyoung still makes his way to the supermarket. The fluorescent lights are blinding and buzzing lowly, although it still doesn’t attract anyone else inside. The front tire on his shopping cart is about to spiral out of control. Doyoung ignores it and heads for the back of the market, wanting to buy his things and head home. The last thing he wants is flooding. 

The meat aisle is typically empty, and due to the rain Doyoung was certain there would be nobody. However, a man stands there, having a hard time deciding which packet to buy, although that isn’t what throws Doyoung into a loop. Bright colors stain his clothes and hair, sticking out from the whites, grays, and browns that everyone else ends up wearing. Doyoung takes a few steps back, deciding to return to the aisle later when he isn’t around, but Taeyong looks up before he can escape.

“Doyoung? I didn’t think you were still here.” In truth, Doyoung didn’t think he would ever see Taeyong again. When he said he was leaving for good, Doyoung believed it fully. Perhaps Taeyong believed his words as well at the time.

“I moved from the city, so in some way I’m not,” Doyoung replies as he starts walking, and Taeyong follows, a light bounce in his step. “I thought you would be gone forever.”

“Do you want me to?” Taeyong questions, placing a hand over his chest. Even color bleeds from his skin, and Doyoung doesn’t know how to feel about it, so he decides to not mention it. “I guess I missed you. I don’t have anywhere to stay though.”

“There’s still space in my apartment.” It’ll have to stop raining soon.

There was always something about Taeyong that radiated passion and fire, and it was easy to fall in love. When they were growing up, Doyoung thought that Taeyong would grow out of it and leave things alone, but maybe that was his first mistake.

“How long are you staying?” Doyoung is trying hard to read through the newspaper, although it is only reporting on the heavy rainfall. Taeyong pulls open the blinds, and despite the rain, the sun still manages to shine through. 

“I don’t know yet,” Taeyong hums, resting his hands on his hips as he admires the scene, although Doyoung thought it would’ve been too drab for his taste. “Maybe a week? There isn’t much left, and I don’t know if I want to know of it yet.”

“Was it fun at least?” Doyoung isn’t certain what Taeyong saw, just that he was going to see something that he had always dreamed of. A soft smile graces his lips, and Doyoung wonders if he should’ve gone with him. 

“Of course it was. You should’ve seen them Doie. The stars were so bright, and the universe was so beautiful. I’ve always wanted to recreate it, but now I’m not sure if I can,” Taeyong chuckles, turning away from the window. “Why didn’t you come with?”

“I didn’t think I was meant to.” He was nothing like Taeyong, although he was still offered. Doyoung stares down at his hands, not really knowing the reason why he didn’t go. Taeyong only hums and doesn’t ask about it again.

It doesn’t take long for Taeyong to make himself at home—it never took him long to do anything he put his heart towards. Before Doyoung left for work, Taeyong told him he had a surprise for when he got back. Doyoung didn’t think much of it then, and now, as he is leaving the tall building, he still doesn’t think much of it. 

Instead of his living room wall being barren, streaks of color fill it, a mixture of pinks, purples, and blues. Taeyong steps away and throws his hands towards it, grinning from ear to ear. Doyoung doesn’t know what to say, still not used to all of the colors on Taeyong. When he leaves he will have to paint it white again.

“This is what I saw out there,” Taeyong hums, patting the wall, adding more color to it. Doyoung doesn’t say anything, and the smile falls from Taeyong. “You don’t like it.”

“This isn’t me,” Doyoung replies, turning to leave the living room. The colors burn in the back of his head. “If you want, you can keep painting. I’ll let it disappear after you leave.”

“Okay.” He sounds dejected, but Doyoung just wants everything to go back to normal. He wishes Taeyong knew when he would leave.

Someone at work spots a cyan splotch on his suit, and Doyoung heads home early, wanting to tell Taeyong to be more careful with his colors. However, when he steps through the door, he ends up not saying anything. There’s more artwork on the wall, and Taeyong is beaming. It reminds Doyoung of when they were kids. Taeyong always wanted to create new things, and he really should’ve expected his departure. Doyoung really should’ve expected that loving him would’ve just hurt more in the end.

Maybe what he believes isn’t always right. Doyoung watches the colors slide down the walls, and joining Taeyong for his next trip doesn’t seem that bad anymore. 

“I knew you would’ve liked them,” Taeyong comments as Doyoung drops his suitcase down by the front door and shrugs off his suit, finding where the color is. It is already beginning to fade. They don’t last long unless they’re nurtured. “Kinda why I went in the first place.”

“Don’t start with that. You went for yourself.” Doyoung kicks off his shoes and heads into the kitchen; he still hasn’t eaten lunch yet. 

“You know I’m leaving soon. I’ll be done with everything and who knows what is next.” Taeyong admires the yellow lines on his hand. “They say there’ll always be more to see, but I really think this is the end.” Doyoung stares at the fridge, and suddenly he isn’t hungry. He doesn’t think he was really hungry in the first place.

“Do you want it to end?” He ends up grabbing the other half of the sandwich he made yesterday. Taeyong mulls over his answer, running a hand down his face.

“No. Not really.”

“Then it isn’t the end.” He already knew the answer that Taeyong would give. 

“Is this the end for you?” Taeyong asks, stunning Doyoung. “Do you want to stay here forever?” 

Doyoung opens his mouth to speak, wanting to talk about potentially leaving, but no words come out. Taeyong keeps waiting for an answer that won’t come, an answer that Doyoung doesn’t even know.

It still hasn’t stopped raining, but Doyoung doesn’t mind the harsh sounds against his window as he sits before Taeyong, his hands pressed against his face. After a moment, Taeyong removes them, staring at the faint purple handprints he left behind. Tentatively, Doyoung taps his cheeks, the color cold and wet. 

“Do you want to know what I felt?” Taeyong asks, his hand sliding down Doyoung’s arm and to his knee. It’s difficult to see in his bedroom, the blinds almost drawn closed, only a small sliver of light peeking in. Taeyong leans closer, and Doyoung doesn’t want to see anything else. 

“Felt when?” The rain only gets heavier, and for a moment he believes the window is going to break. 

“When I saw the stars for the first time. When I found out about all of these colors.” Feeling his lungs fill, Doyoung nods, hoping this will be what drives him forward. Taeyong smiles and leans into him, taking his time with leaving handprints. There’s so many colors, each beautiful in its own way. 

They fit Taeyong perfectly. Doyoung wants them as well, but he worries they’ll die and fade away. He’s too afraid to even try.

As the world wished, it stopped raining. 

Taeyong stands by the door, his hopeful smile too much for Doyoung to handle. “Do you want to come with? I can show you everything that I’ve seen so far. You’ll love it up there, I just know it.” Doyoung doesn’t look at Taeyong.

He doesn’t know when or if he will see Taeyong again. People who leave tend to never return, and Doyoung looks around his apartment, telling himself he is fond of the place. “I don’t know.”

“Doie. I showed you what I felt,” Taeyong murmurs, his grip on the doorknob weakening. “Why don’t you want to go? Is it because of me? I don’t care if you don’t love me anymore. I just want you to see this. You deserve to.”

Tomorrow will be Thursday. He’ll have to go to the supermarket and refill his fridge. All that is left in it are strawberries anyways. Taeyong said something about how they used to be red, how they are meant to, but perhaps seeing the universe makes someone a little off their rockers. If he leaves he won’t ever be the same, returning will be hard. He doesn’t even understand how Taeyong returned in the first place. He must’ve really wanted to come back home for a while. The lines definitely aren’t long, but the testing must take some time. Or maybe Taeyong just broke his way back in. That would make the most sense.

Right. Tomorrow is Thursday. 

“Just say it is me.” Taeyong twists the doorknob.

“It isn’t. I just….” Doyoung doesn’t even know what to say. He wants to see the colors like Taeyong does, he wants them to be everywhere that he steps, and he wants to see the stars and feel them. Even more, he does want to experience it all with Taeyong. The longer he stands there, waiting, the more something eats at Doyoung’s insides. He doesn’t know what he wants yet, but there isn’t any more time for Doyoung to think through his options and decide. He needs some more time, or maybe that won’t even matter.

“Okay. At least take care of the colors for me.”

All Doyoung does is watch the colors fade from the walls. He tells himself it is better this way, it’s the way that he knows. 

Instead, he only finds himself longing for another rainfall—for another chance—although he’s certain that there aren’t any left.

**Author's Note:**

> haha this is kinda a vent fic, but i hope you enjoyed reading it!!


End file.
